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Everyone has read a book or two that has that “POW” effect, the one that grabs your heart and touches you so deeply you can never fully go back to the way you were. You have this new sense of awareness, a tool you can work with to change your entire life. Books that have a profound impact must be shared. So here it is: “The Untethered Soul, the journey beyond yourself”, by Michael Singer. This book was highly recommended to me by my yoga teacher. Had I known what effect it was going to have, I wouldn’t have waited so long to pick it up. This book is fabulous for anyone who is looking to move forward, live lighter, and let it go.
So many of us have lived through pain. We have grown from it and we have stopped growing because of it. We have defense mechanisms that show up when something feels uncomfortable, something that reminds us of a place we don’t want to revisit. So we get busy, drink, shop, get angry, or completely shut down. We don’t want to feel it, so we don’t let it go. It gets captured, blocked and locked. Your energy goes way down and you can’t figure out why you’re not feeling the good stuff. By the good stuff, I mean the energy you feel that doesn’t require sleep or food, the energy that builds up inside you and makes you feel like you can take on the world. We’ve all had that as well. So why don’t we feel it all the time?
“ The only reason you don’t feel this energy all the time is because you block it. You block it by closing your heart, by closing your mind and by pulling yourself into a restricted space inside. This closes you off from all the energy. When you close your heart or you close your mind, you hide in the darkness within you. There is no light. There is no energy. There is nothing flowing. There energy is still there but it can’t get in. This is what it means to be BLOCKED. That is why you have no energy when you are depressed. There are centers within that channel your energy flow. When you close them, there is no energy. When you open them, there is energy. We all have our defense mechanisms. It seems only natural when you have an upsetting or traumatic experience. that you shut down at the mere thought of experiencing such feelings ever again. The problem is that shutting down, closing our hearts, is not doing us any good. Contrary to our beliefs, it does not really protect us from anything. He goes on to say, “It just cuts you off from your source of energy. In the end, it only serves to lock you inside.”
The good news is that we can learn to retrain the heart, if you will. We can learn to keep our hearts open, that is if we choose to. We all want to feel love, joy and enthusiasm. We all want to be free. What would it feel like if we could, regardless of any experiences that come up, stand in a place of total freedom, total inner freedom? What would it feel like to allow our life experiences to pass through us without getting locked and blocked, losing our flow of energy? How would it feel if the energy kept flowing and the rush of love, joy and zest for life filled us up and we had access to it anytime all the time? My guess? Pretty awesome. Look out for my next few posts regarding this fabulously intelligent, heart warming book. Maybe we can learn something together.
Two things we can practice to keep the heart center open: Yoga and Meditation. There are all kinds of heart opening poses. Click on the video below and learn one of many…
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCl2nsMDO2Y]
After teaching an evening class the other day, one of the students talked with me a bit after class. She talked with me about healing. Healing her relationships, healing herself, and as she told me the story of her own evolution, she reminded me exactly how much words can hurt, but more importantly how they can heal.
Many years ago, in my teens, I had sex with a boy. It was my first time. Due to the unfortunate timing of these circumstances, I was labeled “SLUT” of the school. I remember one particular girl who stalked me every single day, waiting to corner me to shout at the top of her lungs so everyone with in miles would hear, “SLUT!!!!” I was scared to death of her. Even though I knew intellectually that it was not true, I began to internalize the words and fear wrapped itself around me choking my voice, my heart. I could not find my voice at the time and so tried very hard to shrink away so no one would see me. I did this for many years.
When I finally did start speaking up, words of anger came out. I spoke words of anger for years. It didn’t feel good. I always felt like I was sticking my foot in my mouth or speaking up at the wrong time, again just wanting to shrink away. My saving grace were the kind people I met along the way. People who were balanced, loving people. The kind of people who were gentle with me, who helped guide me to a better place through beautiful words, loving thoughts, and tremendous patience. I learned how to speak gently to myself. I learned slowly how to be kinder to myself, how to love myself. I am still learning and growing so much, slowly finding the voice that helps me create healthy boundaries.
When I started practicing yoga, I became so much more aware of my words. Learning about the Yamas and Niyamas has taught me to be kinder toward myself, and in doing that I am also kinder toward others. One particular Yama, Ahimsa, is another name for truth or love. The general meaning is non-violence in thought, word, deed or action. When a little gossip sounds like it could be interesting, I ask myself now whether I really want to engage if such talk will result in unloving thoughts about someone. The answer is no. So I will take a more diplomatic approach, excuse myself if necessary. If I am having a bad hair day, and I curse about something, I check in with my body, my heart, and observe how I feel. When what I am speaking or feeling feels ugly, then I know it is time to sit quietly, breathe, and speak kindly to myself. When I take the time to check in, no matter what has happened in the past, I know all is well. You are loved. You are loved. You are loved.
Relaxing at the Heidelberg Castle
I am no stranger to hard economic times. I remember my parents having $ 5.00 to spare after paying the bills each month. I went to school and worked hard for my bachelor’s and master’s in hopes I would never be out of a job. I have had corporate jobs that paid well and no job living in constant fear coupled by physical safety issues resulting from PTSD. Sometimes I felt like I would just go bananas!
As I look around today, I meet so many people who also went to school to protect themselves from exactly what is going on right now. With so many people out of work, walking away from mortgages, unable to meet their basic needs, it is no wonder there is so much fear floating around.
I wish we could have our life’s path lit all the way down the road, but it just doesn’t work that way. I know we’re supposed to enjoy the ride, but sometimes it’s easier said than done. No one said the journey was going to be easy. But there is something we can do, that doesn’t cost a dime, just 5-30 minutes a day that will make the goodness in our lives so much more palpable. And that, my friends, is meditation.
If you’re not used to meditating, start out slow. Sometimes it is very difficult to sit for 5 minutes, let alone 30 when your mind is going 100 miles per hour in a million different directions. When I am working with new students, I have found 2 methods that help newbies quiet their minds.
First find a quiet spot. It doesn’t matter where it is. You can sit in your cubicle at work, on a chair somewhere, the floor, pillow or no pillow, whatever works for you. Be comfortable, but be at attention. This is not sleepy time. Begin to breath from your belly, like a fat happy baby. You know how they breathe, right? When a baby inhales, their bellies get really round and big. On their exhale, their bellies fall gently. That’s how you breathe. Now, 2 methods to help you get started:
1. Count.
Now, close your eyes. Soften your jaw and the muscles in your face. If your mind wants to go out into a million different directions, count. Count 4 in and 4 out. When you get that going, slow down the breath and count 4 in and 8 out and so on. Feel it out and stick with what works. It may be you feel more in sync with 6 on the inhale and 10 or 12 on the exhale. The point is that counting helps focus the mind. The same thing works with listening to the sound of your own breath and feeling the cool air flowing through your nostrils. Try both, see what happens.
2. Chants. Prayer. Music.
There is a particular prayer that helps me relax and focus very quickly. It is a prayer/chant by Craig Pruess and Ananda, “Devi Prayer”, 108 beautiful names for the Divine. You can get in on iTunes. It is beautiful and transformative. In fact, I use it quite often whenever I teach restorative classes. It feels healing and loving and just resonates with the soul. I find that most people who hear the prayers, male and female, are moved by its beauty. Give it a try. You won’t be disappointed.
Try it! It works.
Over the years I have seen a variety of therapists and holistic practitioners, all in an attempt to help me heal from PTSD. Different stages of my healing process required and still does require different practitioners. Some people may be lucky enough to have one practitioner through their entire healing process. Some may prefer just one. I find it useful to work with different people based on their professional as well as their life experience. However, it is not always easy to discern the level of empathy, compassion or integrity of some practitioners until there has been a face to face meeting and sometimes it takes more than one.
Recently, I visited with a practitioner who seemed to have quite a bit of business flowing his way. He worked in a beautiful location surrounded by absolute serenity. I was a little apprehensive because every time I stood in the same room with this man, I felt a little tightness in my chest. I did not know why. He seemed nice and very knowledgeable, so I chose to ignore my feelings. I made an appointment with him anyway and was looking very forward to relaxing and allowing him to work his magic hands on me.
I filled out a standard form regarding medications and general information this type of practitioner would be looking for, going against my instinct which told me not to expose myself, not this time. One thing I noticed right off the bat were some pretty hefty promises about how I would feel later that evening. But there I was, and the session began. Beautiful music. Beautiful surroundings. Not a word. Ahhh…relax, I told myself. You’re all in a tizzy about nothing, right? I wish.
After the session, he wanted to speak with me about what he noticed. When he started speaking, I finally got what my instinct was trying to tell me. Judgement. That’s what I was feeling. I felt like I was being judged. And the more he talked, the tighter my chest grew. He was talking to me as if he knew my life’s story, delving into very personal space, space I was not ready to share with him, space and history which he knew absolutely nothing about. It went on and on. More judgement about my life and how I should feel and what I should do, how I should speak when referring to my own life experiences. By the time I left, I felt so unempowered and so small. And there he was, thinking he did me this huge favor. He cured me! His ego was so big, he didn’t even realize how what he said and how he said it might have affected me.
And this is the problem I have noticed from time to time with practitioners. They step outside of their expertise into areas they know nothing about. As a result, the client walks away wondering what just happened. Sometimes people who work in the healing arena have not cleaned up their own stuff. They’ve helped a few people. They might have a little following and bam! They’ve got a deity complex. Never having completed the inner work in their own lives, they set out to heal others, but the ego has grown too big and gets in the way of the true talent that awaits them.
1. Got instincts? Listen to’em. If you are feeling like you may not be a match, keep looking. There is someone out there just for you.
2. Check with other practitioners in the area. Most practitioners will not bad mouth other practitioners, but you can get a sense of what type of person you are about to see. If the practitioner you are about to see is well respected in his/her field, most of his/her colleagues will gladly recommend this person. It is useful to check with several other people in a similar field.
3. Check with past clients, if you happen to know any. Poke around. Ask questions. You will get a good idea whether the practitioner might be a good fit for you.
4. When you finally do see someone, check in with how you feel. Do you feel empowered? If not, keep looking. They may have a great deal of talent, but may not be right for you.
5. You’ll know when you’ve hit the jackpot. That little voice tells you, “This practitioner is working from his/her highest good.” You’ll know it because you’ll feel it. Never minimize your feelings. Your heart always tells you the truth.
If you have any useful tips on finding a good practitioner, please feel free to share below.
I recently travelled to Germany and Italy. My suitcase weighed next to nothing so I was able to pack everything under the sun…and my yoga mat, which fit quite nicely folded on top of my clothes. If you don’t want to pack the mat in your suitcase, there are plenty of yoga mat bags and carrying straps that would allow you keep your mat with you at all times. I, however, did not want to carry mine with me. Some would argue that you could buy a mat when you arrive at your destination, but with the dollar not being so strong right now, it wasn’t really an option for me. So I packed a very inexpensive lightweight mat and off I went.
And boy was I glad I did. Travelling overnight on the plane and packed in like a sardine, I found myself feeling exhausted and emotional as I do not sleep well on planes, particularly if I am sitting up in a chair. A few hours after we arrived, I was really feeling tight in the hips. We went straight to visiting family so there was no time to rest. I opened my bag, broke out the yoga mat and immediately began to stretch right there in front of everyone. I began in childs pose to relieve my back from sitting for nine hours, breathing nice deep breathes to release the tension from the plane and lack of sleep. A little Surya Namaskar, warmup, some upward side stretches to open the hips, utthita parsvakonasana, some back bends, and then right to headstand.
Ahh…the glorious headstand. Calms me down. Helps me center. Right there while everyone was chit chatting, the headstand was having an immediate effect on my parasympathetic nervous system. The family went outside to talk and things became very quiet. I could hear myself breathe. Everything began to slow down and become even. Wanting to open my heart to receive my relatives with love, I lay over a couple of pillows in modified fish pose. Now that feels great after a long plane ride. After 30 minutes of stretching, I lay in savasna, corpse pose, for 10 minutes listening to divine mother chants, allowing me the temporary rest I needed to really enjoy the day. That evening I went back to my hotel room and practiced one hour of gentle yoga using my yoga strap and some hotel pillows. I practiced everyday I was away and you know what I found? I enjoyed the time with my family so much more. I just felt better.
My Not So Graceful Natarajasana
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Mom and Me Ready For a Swim
I remember my mother holding my hand when I was little. She held me on her lap and was never short of kisses. She took me to the beach, played games with me, cheered for me, stuck up for me, watched Mighty Mouse with me and waited for me to come home from school everyday just so she could give me a treat and lot’s of love.
Her mother was also very loving, as was her grandmother despite the hardships they all endured. It has been passed down from generation to generation, this great display of motherly love. My mother lives next door to me now, always ready to give a helping hand and encouragement, take a walk with me, or just sit on the porch with a cup of coffee prepared to unload whatever thoughts she is pondering.
But what I remember most growing up is what she said to me when I was feeling low; “Forgive them Donna. Pray for them.” For many years, I did not understand how to forgive. I would close my eyes, bow my head, and ask God to help me forgive “them”. A good start, but I did not feel it. I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t feeling what I thought I should be feeling, relief.
Then one day, I was looking in the mirror criticizing myself for not being as pretty as the other girls. Surely that must have been why they didn’t show up to my party. I was not developed. I still liked sleepovers and M&M’s and pillow fights. According to everyone else, I was anything but cool. I couldn’t stand the sight of myself. Then, my mother walked into my room, looked at me very gently and said, ” You are so beautiful to me. I wish you could see what I see.”
And in that moment, not fully aware, but getting the gist, I realized there was a component to that “forgive them” thing. I also had to forgive myself, a lesson I keep reminding myself to live every day. If something pops up that feels hurtful like an unpleasant memory or when I find that I am judging other people or myself, I stop what I am doing, close my eyes and forgive myself. And, as my mother always told me, pray for the other person. I literally ask God to make the other person’s day better. And you know what I find? Relief and peace.
My Beautiful Mother and Me
I worked in my yard most of this week pulling weeds. Twice a year, I sprinkle weed tamer, ( I call it tamer because I don’t like the word killer), and fertilizer on my grass as directed by the package it all comes in, and low and behold, up come the weeds. This year was particularly weed fruitful, much like my life and the lives of so many.
Sometimes it feels very frustrating because every time I pull a weed, another one seems to show its tall neck as if to say, “Over here honey. You missed it. Gotta dig a little deeper this time.” Some weeds are easy to pull. They come up and are almost relieved to let go, easy to handle. Others absolutely refuse to come out of the ground, showing so much resistance, that you need to dig them out with a sharp metal object. They do not seem to be so relieved. They are stubborn and fight to the bitter end. These are the weeds that stay low to the ground, not so detectable. They really do want to just stay there and spread, hoping not to get noticed while relentlessly taking over the healthy grass. But once they are out of the ground, there is space for new healthy grass to grow.
Hmmm…where do you think I’m going with all of this? You guessed it. Life has lumps and bumps…and weeds. Some are easy to pull, some take a little more digging. I think we all know, if you don’t dig up the root, they just keep coming back and they show up over and over, growing taller or wider by the day.
We all want the grass to be green and perfect, disease free, and full of luster. But it doesn’t always work out that way, no matter what we do or how much we try to control what is going on around us. Be easy with yourself. Pull a few and then rest in the grass. Then dig up a few and rest in the grass. And before you know it, your lawn and the way you feel when you lay down upon the earth will feel really wonderful. You are loved and supported and the grass really is very green.
Please feel free to share your metaphors in the comment box below.
The other day, I spent the day cleaning my house. It seemed every time I mopped up the floor, five minutes later there were little trails of dirt forming a line straight to my 7-year-old son’s room. At first I thought maybe I missed a spot or two. But then it kept on happening over and over. What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. Naturally, I was frustrated. He didn’t mean to keep dragging the dirt in, but he’s 7, hello!
I know this seems minor in the grand scheme of things, but what I did next can help with all types of frustration. I went into my sun room, promptly layed out a mat and went into a headstand. The effects of practicing head stand are amazingly beneficial.
Improves many ailments such as:
Nervousness, tension, fatigue, sleeplessness, dullness, fear, poor blood circulation, bad memory, asthma, headaches, constipation, congested throat, liver or spleen, the initial stages of eye and nose troubles, and general lack of energy, vitality or self-confidence.
Headstands stimulate our pituitary, pineal, thyroid and parathyroid glands relieving the body of physical and mental stress. In short, headstands can get you out of a tizzy and assist your body in operating at an optimnal level!
In general, hanging upside down helps calms the nerves and helps us get through emotional upsets.
Beautiful Day For A Headstand
Not into headstands? No worries. If you have a block, bolster, or pillow handy, you can practice Viparita Karani and get the same effect. This is a restorative pose that can be held much longer.
1. Lie down on your back.
2. Bend your knees and place your feet on the floor.
3. Wriggle your should blades toward each other so that they feel flat on the floor. We do this to keep the knobby-knob part of your back (cervical spine) off the floor. Your arms can be out to the side, palms facing up, on your lower abdomen, or over head, whatever feels good to you.
4. Lift up your hips and slide either a block, bolster or pillow under your sacrum close to your tailbone. Adjust for comfort.
5. Lift your legs so the souls of your feet are facing the ceiling. If it feels too difficult to hold your legs up, then practice this pose so that your legs are resting against a wall.
6. Relax. Soften your eyes, jaw, tongue and throat. This pose can be held anywhere from 5-30 minutes.
This is commonly referred to as the “Fountain of Youth” pose and it feels great.
Basking in Viparita Karani
